july

life by water

the fog crawls over the mountain
like the chilling glove of the sea
it captures, it raptures my heart
chained in the land of the free

cold are the streets, the avenues dark
then the sand, then the waves and japan
somewhere behind them the sun sets
land of the rising sun – another koan.

there is no space, no time by the sea
the smell in the air, the sound of the halcyon wave
seagulls screaming a sad song of lore
immobile they stare at their star

i jump and i roam and i tread through the sand
naked by now of fabric and reason
dead is my heart and my soul
and yet burning alive

when i leap so rushed comes the flight
should i be freezing and yet the fall
shelters me from knowing

and then i touch water

a million needles pierce through my skin
reaching in, drilling in, searching my heart

pause

my mind starts wondering, finding itself again
and numbness is running, returning to hades

water, water, churning waves
thundering all around me
penetrating, infiltrating
gushing through my soul

death is a silent growth
a fortnight past a shiny riddle
on a clear skin, unblemished
today you can’t move
can’t stand still, can’t stand
can’t

life is portentous – a thunderbolt
thrown in the face of misery
boldly claiming its right
to the invention of time

gasping, my head
pierces through the surface
air and water alike
are filling my lungs

i am born again

i will swim for my life
in the dark solitude
air and sea and land
black as my thoughts

my body shivers alive
as i wash ashore
once more
i averted

fate

can you turn off that smile?

you walk around
as if you didn’t know pain
or rather, as if it didn’t bother you
any more

stop dancing in the streets
you are making a fool of yourself
out of love

you’ve known this before
haven’t you?

how can a slave be so joyful
in the face of a master
whose studly disdain for all pleasure
is like stone on his face?

you believe you can win
you know nothing of pain
my pleasure exactly

i am fate

i won’t use any whip
i won’t need to flog you
or beat you or harm you
i’ll just need some papers from you

madness you know has a reason

death by the hands of love

the little child has faith
in life in love in everything
why would it not?
we hover through our lives
like the maidens of youth
pandoras without boxes

and that thing you call smile
how could it be helpful
when the storm arrives?

startling how the blacken clouds
darken up the evening sky
in the midst of summer

i talk you talk and then there’s silence
and thence comes the lie

seeking the unwanted

evil is a pretty child
charming eyes of wonder
a perfect row of blinding teeth
the laugh’s a roaring thunder

but don’t you ever get too close
to nature’s dazzling beauty
the smallest gap between those teeth
reveals the stench of putrid

of selfishness and cowardice
is evil baby dear
the sovereign daring ruler
of terror and of fear

words, you see, can’t describe
evil

in the lair of darkness

once the brooding mimosas
and their sensous smell
were able to master your dreams
like the broomstick of a magical mistress

all in the world
flows and revolves
around its center
the vortex

please put a finger in the whirl
that formed in your sink
it seemed so strong
but it dies
just like that

someone touches your vortex
the heart of your heart
you seemed so strong
but you die
just like that

nothing has changed
everything is still as it was
meaning is a silly notion
as it is a smile

the horror of unmotion
wakes you up at night
a dagger through your soul
restlessness but frozen.

the vibrant colors of summer
are dull and drab in fog
dampness is an enemy
that glues to your skin
like a leech
in the river of darkness.

and you lash out

the enemy is the self
the master of all fury
doomed to fight and wrestle
the dangers far within

can you blame the soul that is craving
the life that it lost just before?
can you shame the mind that is braving
the chill of a world without lore?

tiny little mini-steps
walked by baby dear
turn around and bite you
destruction looming near

compressed
like a soda can
well-shaken in the summer sun
someone comes over and flips the ring

you explode

regret is an easy motion
hurting those who love you
is adding to your pain
and yet
there is no choice.

the glorious sun

of the afternoon
slowly, calmly, steadily
burns off the fog

rivers, then torrents, then streams then creeks
of frothy air
reverberating
flowing
across the mountains
die while rushing to your face

like a dying giant grasping from behind the green hills
the white fingers fail to find you
leaving you and their cold breath
that streams to your face
just enough to make the heat
bearable once more

you wake up frozen on the ground
and her radiance finds the lock to your heart
the grass is greener in the light
the scent of flowers
is charming its way to your heart

and once more
you survived

brother, sister of mine
when life is death
and death life
and nothing is real
in the fog

you must run
you must fly;
somewhere else,
close by –
in an hour, in a mile, or a thousand feet high
it still is july