Somehow yesterday was the toughest day of the year.
Nothing worked as usual, everybody was busy with their family, and I felt like the only person on this planet that quite didn’t get the point of it all.
Christmas has always been a challenge for me. It’s the worst time of the year for light intensity, and the weather tends to be bad, no matter what. And on top of that you disrupt my pleasurable routine and replace it with a state of suspension.
Is it that my attachment to family is rather diminutive? Or is it that I am missing my family anyway? I don’t know. In any case, ever since I started living on my own, I hated Christmas. Cold, dark and lonely, that’s how I would describe it. But then, odd things happen during this time. Of my four relationships of any importance, three were started right after Christmas. Frank I finally talked to in the swimming pool, for the first time after Christmas 1991. Douglas sent me his email on January 10th. Kirk I met for the first time on January 13th, 2001.
That seems odd… And yet, it is a pattern that I start to understand. It seems that I come across as uninterested and cold. And only when I am desperate for company (which happens rarely) do people sense my interest.
Bullshit. I met Douglas and Kirk on the web. How would they know that I was interested in meeting people?